Episode 2: See It, Want It, Buy It, Have It

Hi and welcome to the second episode of Difficult Conversations About Beauty - the Good, the Bad, and of course, the Ugly.

Now in continuation of my first episode which was Don't Believe The Hype, I'm doing a reading from my book, Beautiful Unique Faces. This is a book I published a year ago, and it's very poignant in terms of helping to teach the reader, teach the consumer of all ages how to discover their unique beauty rather than relying on if you like social media hype to tell you what will make you more beautiful.

This is Chapter 2: See It, Want It, Buy It, Have It. 

Case Study: Lucy. I want it all now.

Lucy was 30 years old when she first came to my clinic on a recommendation from a friend of hers. She attended her first appointment with her older sister. With what I know now about Lucy, five years on, I should have refused to treat her at that very first appointment. If I had, I wouldn't have had years of turmoil and heartache trying to deal with her narcissistic personality.

Aging isn't a race you can win.

Lucy obsessed over online shopping, of her body as it was legal, how thin she looked, how perfect her appearance, and how well fitting her outfit were occupied the hours it took her to get ready to leave the house. Even a simple outing to the grocery store became an event.

Lucy also thrived on competition. She would stay longer at work to produce better presentations than her colleagues. If Lucy saw someone thinner than her, she'd spiral into a manic phase of cooking but not eating. If she saw someone with bigger cheeks or lips or longer lashes or smoother skin, she'd up to ante and demand to have hers bigger, longer, smoother, too. 

As Lucy grew older, beating aging became another obsession in her mind. I was the key to her beating aging to a pulp and winning the race. Aging is not a race that can be won, and she took it out on me with each loss she sustained. 

This story isn't unique to me. I know many practitioners who've endured similar experiences. Lucy always overstepped the mark in terms of professional boundaries, constantly arguing over price and attempting to confuse staff and catch them out so she could pay less. Lucy insisted on eating another patient's appointment time, even when her allocated appointment time had been discussed and agreed. She claimed she was being mistreated and made a song and dance at every opportunity. Lucy learned if she could book in at the very end of the day, she could force us to stay back later, as we had no further patients waiting. And in addition to a love of winning and being bright, Lucy's favorite thing to do was to bargain with my staff and me at every opportunity.

Lucy regularly threatened to take her business elsewhere, sharing that she'd driven 30 minutes to see me. Patients regularly drive up to 7 hours to see me and others even arrange flights to Australia based on their next appointment with me. I would think that over 50% of the patients I see each day, drive one or more hours to see me. So Lucy's threat fell on deaf ears. I offered on many occasions to recommend a clinic closer to Lucy to attend, but she refused each time. I guess she enjoyed having that card up her sleeve. 

"I want to look completely flawless and perfect," she said. At her first appointment, Lucy said, "my lips are small, I want them bigger."

I said, "I would like to examine your face if that's okay and suggest what treatment is best for you based on your unique facial feature."

"I want to look completely flawless and perfect," Lucy replied.

"How do you mean?" I questioned.

"I've seen these girls," points to her phone. "I want you to make me look like that. I know what they've had done to their faces."

The girls on the phone were not real in that their faces were heavily filtered and photoshopped versions of how they really looked. 

"How do you know what treatments they've had?" I asked.

"It says here in the comments, look." 

Indeed the comment stated the filtered faces I was looking at. Each had a little sprinkling of anti-wrinkle around the eyes, frown, forehead, a little touch of dermal filler to their lips and cheeks for a very natural looking result. I almost gagged. There was nothing natural looking about the faces on Lucy's phone. It gave me a good insight into what brainwashed Lucy. 

"I want to have my Botox here, here and here," she said, pointing to every area on her face. "I want filler in my lips, my cheeks, and under my eyes. And I ready that you can do dermal fillers in the nose too. I want that. I also want that Kim Kardashian vampire treatment on my skin."

I explained to Lucy that given that this was the first time she had a treatment, we decide together what was best for her face based on her unique facial feature. We then break her treatment plan into different treatment sessions. 

"Oh, no, I don't want only one unique feature. I want all of my features to be unique and I want it all done now," she said.

The last statement pretty much sums up the mindset of people like Lucy. They don't appreciate the subtle nuances of a beautiful face. They want it all and they want it now. The reason I've read you that excerpt from my book is because it's exactly what is happening in society today.

We think that if we have all of the treatments that are being sold to us my clinics, on their Instagram or social media channels or by the celebrities, the medical celebrities who have the millions of followers. If we have all those treatments done, that we will look beautiful and that therefore we will be happy.

Happiness doesn't come from having the perfect set of lips, combined with the perfect jaw, combined with the perfect set of cheeks, combined with whatever other treatment you're being sold at the time.

When someone examines your face, it's really important they look at your face as a whole. Not only do they look at your face as a whole and moving parts that work together, it's really important that they assess your personality. If you're someone who talks and expresses themselves through their eyes, to then make your naturally smaller lips very large would actually detract from how you were able to communicate with people.

So this is why it's incredibly important that, first of all, you discover what your unique facial feature is. You discover what makes you most beautiful. And then, if you do decide to have any treatment in the future, any cosmetic or medical or nonsurgical cosmetic medical treatment in the future, that you choose to a practitioner who knows how assess your face, assess your personality, and decide what your unique facial feature is, and then create a treatment plan based on ensuring that unique facial feature of yours always remains at the forefront. Always remains as what is most beautiful about you.

You have one lead actor, whether it be your lips, whether it be your chin, whether it be your eyes, whether it be the section between your lateral cheek, your cheekbone, and your eyebrow, whether it be the way that your eyes sparkle of scrunch up when you giggle. There is something that is unique about your face that is intertwined with what's beautiful about your personality. And those are the things that should be encouraged and nurtured throughout your whole life.

It's not about ticking off the grid and saying, yes, I've got the lips now. Great! What's next? Or get the chin - done that. Get the jaw - dome that. Get the cheek, get the fox eyes, get the completely smooth and expressionless face. It's not about ticking off jobs and then looking at yourself and going, oh, that's strange. A. I'm not more beautiful. B. I'm not happier than I thought I would be. I thought having all these things would make me happier. They never do. Never! 

Because what's happening is you're actually burying yourself. You're not finding out, you're not encouraging what's most beautiful about your face and your personality, to actually breathe free and easy and to come to the forefront.

So it's a quick episode today because I really just want to hone in on the fact that regardless of what, whoever it is that you're following on social media, whether it be someone who's actually in the profession, someone a clinician who's ins the profession or influencer who is talking about if you like selling treatments they they've done, what's really important is that you know what's most unique and therefore beautiful about your face and about you!

Have a wonderful day and I will see you again soon!

Chapter Two ━ See it, Want it, Buy it, Have it ━ Case Study: Lucy
Professional Boundaries
Want to look completely flawless and perfect
Best treatment based on  unique facial feature
The reason I've read you that excerpt from my book
Happiness doesn't come from having the perfect set of lips, jaw, cheeks, etc.
How  important to look at the face as a whole and  assess the personality
Discover what your unique facial feature is
Choose a practitioner who knows how to assess your face & assess your personality
Not finding out, not encouraging what's most beautiful about your face and personality
What's really important is that you know what's most unique and beautiful about your face and about you!